After long and careful study of the world in general I have finally identified a foolproof one step plan for fame, fortune, success, power and wealth beyond your wildest dreams.

I realise I could sell my success formula for an absolute fortune but frankly, that would be hard work and I can’t be arsed so, in this one time exclusive offer, I am prepared to offer my secret for free.

My secret is simple, all you have to do is to change your middle name to “the”.

Think of it – Throughout history anyone who has ever had the middle name “the” has been a great success and if you don’t believe me ask Ivan the Dread, Vlad the Impaler, Erik the Memorable, Magnus the Law-Mender, Conan the Barbarian and his chum Conan the Crooked, William the Conquerer, Edward the Confessor, Henry the Rich, Ulrich the Beloved, Pliny the Elder, Pitt the Younger, Martin the Humane, Ernest the Iron, Robert the Magnificent, Lorenzo the Magnificent, John the Perfect Prince, Canute the Great, Fulk the Surly, Aethelred the Unready, Albert the Great or Canute the Great.

Aint it great? I am right… You know I am right so there. Just remember when you are rich and famous it was all my doing and send me some cash. Thank you.