Category Archives: Ponderings

Move along please, nothing to see here…

Feel free to ignore this, I just wanted somewhere to babble and this seemed as good a place as any. If it makes any grammatical sense at all I will be amazed.

In case you missed it, it’s the 200th anniversary of the abolition of slavery in England. This has caused lots of debate; one of the main ones is about whether we should say sorry and pay compensation for the slave trade. I have been watching this with interest especially every time it gets compared to the Jewish Holocaust during World War II.

I was initially tempted to point a finger at the British and complain bitterly at us for becoming a nation of apologists – For what? For being the first country to actually abolish slavery? For being the good guys here? For having a country where people could at that time stand up in Parliament and say “Look, this isn’t right, we need to do something about it”. The more I think about it though, the more I admire the British for the general opinion that we shouldn’t apologise. Historically we see something is wrong, we fix it and then we move on. Want some examples here? We killed over half a million native Aborigines in Australia in about 120 years; we killed 300,000 of the ethnic Kikuyu in Kenya and tortured hundreds of thousands more; we caused the near extinction of most of the tribes of Native Americans in the US and Canada. In the late 1800’s British policy in India caused the death of between 12 and 29 MILLION Indians and not content with that, we did pretty much the same thing again in Bengal during WW2 killing another 3-5 million. We mustn’t forget of course that 200 million blacks died as a result of the slave trade though not all of those were caused by the British – Just most of them.

Trust me, when it comes to Genocide, the Germans are utter amateurs.

The late half of the last century seems to be obsessed with guilt for history and I am tempted to put forward a theory that most of the hassles we have at the moment in the world are caused by this. Israel is getting away (very literally) with murder simply because nobody dares to say anything against them for fear of being accused of being anti-Semitic. In writing this, I will be accused of being anti-Semitic and a closet Nazi. I am not, I have no issues with Jews at all but I have huge issues with the Israeli home policy. Incidentally, why would I be accused of being a Nazi? The Jews have been massacred many times by many people… In 1270 King Edward the 1st decided that Jews were a threat to England and ordered that all Jews wear a yellow star to identify them in public. After imprisoning or executing all the Jewish heads of household the Jews were finally banished from England from 1290 until 1655 when Cromwell let them back. Sound familiar? As God’s chosen ones, the Jewish people were told to “not fit in” so they are used to persecution from all over the place. It’s not an accident that Israeli Politics labels anyone who doesn’t agree with them these days as a Nazi though.

Central Europe doesn’t seem to be able to let the Jewish Holocaust go. Germany seems to be racked in complete guilt even now about the whole thing. Why? As far as most Germans involved in WW2 were concerned, they were provoked and cleverly manipulated and led into a war in which they sometimes fought brilliantly but eventually lost. The British were very quick to forgive the Germans, I have never seen a single serviceman who has had a grudge against the Germans; the war ended, the Jewish Holocaust was exposed and the world as a whole, including the German people, was repulsed and shocked. It’s over, the people who were responsible for it were rounded up and arrested and tried and hanged or imprisoned. Brits don’t blame modern Germans for all the deaths we suffered, all the cities we lost and the fact the Empire was finally bankrupt and destroyed. Hell I will be silently happy the day that a German has the balls to suggest, without arrogance or guilt, that if Hitler hadn’t stopped his forces at France and decided not to invade England at that time, they’d have occupied us and we’d not have been fighting the rest of the war from England. It’d be an interesting argument, but Germans aren’t allowed to have any historical pride in their own armed forces, most of whom weren’t Nazis at all. It’s weird because after World War 1, German Soldiers did keep that pride, they wore their WW1 Iron Crosses for many years after, some Jews were saved because they had won Iron Crosses in WW1 – The huge majority of German combatants weren’t Nazis, they were just soldiers, like most of the rest of the poor sods killed in combat during that war.

The fact they lost and the fact the Jewish Holocaust came into the open and dragged a whole heap of guilt into Europe and America was the difference here. There seems to be an assumption that the UK and the US were all nice to the Jews at that time. The British had a good reason not to be. Even during WW2, Jews were still fighting the British in Palestine – but the US? The St Louis, a ship with 950 Jewish refugees was turned away from America in 1939 by the Roosevelt government and sent back to Europe. European countries took them in but most then died in the camps anyway when their new countries were occupied. Henry Ford and many prominent Americans were quite openly and publicly anti-Semitic by the start of WW2. The Red Cross admits now that it knew about the Holocaust but didn’t disclose it so that it could maintain its neutrality. There is no black and white here, just a lot of grey but still, Germany seems to get all of the blame.

I am not sure whether to blame Germany for this continued guilt. As a country under permanent “occupation” for the last half century or more maybe it’s been hard to forget the past but one day someone has to draw a line under it all and Germany needs to move on. The Finns, Italians and Hungarians don’t seem to have problems. Do most people under 30 or 40 even know what side they were on in WW2? If it helps, I don’t have a clue what side they were on in WW1. Whilst this guilt exists, it’s impossible to look at the Israel situation without it getting in the way. The Arabs don’t have much concept of this Euroguilt and I would guess they just don’t understand why Western Europe and the US always seem to cringe every time Israel starts to yell. How many years will this carry on for? How many more walls will they build, towns they will bomb, human rights they will jackboot all over before someone has the balls to tell them to stop?

Recently the Germans announced that they would use their presidency of the EU to attempt to criminalise the use of the Swastika within Europe. This is amazing on two levels, firstly in that 50 years on they still seem to want to atone for something and add more and more fleas to their hair-shirt stock and secondly that once more Germany, under the banner of the Swastika, is trying to impose their will on millions of other people. European Hindu groups have used the Swastika as a religious symbol for about 5,000 years and it’s a popular symbol in many religions. It’s fair to say that this decision was taken through stupidity or naivety rather than malice and thankfully, they have now decided it was an ill thought out plan and cancelled it but still – Aaargh!

Back to the original subject of compensation for slavery; there have also been many supposedly clever people saying “Why don’t the Vikings apologise for invading us 900 years ago?” – Apart from anything this annoys me because for a start it was more than 900 years ago and secondly the major Viking invasion was as a result of us, the English, committing genocide on the orders of King Ethelred and killing all the Danes in England on November the 13th, 1002. We’ve forgotten that particular holocaust on our part; thankfully; but it’s another one to add to the already long list of British Genocides.

Global Warming and Carbon Footprints

I decided to measure my personal Carbon Footprint using http://www.carbonfootprint.com today – This site seems just to be some (hopefully) well meaning con to guilt-trip people into giving money to plant trees somewhere in Africa which I am sure will end up being chopped down to make paper or something before they are of any use whatsoever in carbon sinking.

The site is a little simplistic and only provides an un-offset figure – It doesn’t ask the question “How many acres of woodland or forest do you have” which is odd considering that ultimately, their aim is to get you to fork out money so that they can plant trees to offset all the carbon that you are pumping out into the atmosphere.

Anyway, all that aside I put my data into it and my Carbon Footprint per year (before any offsets are applied) is 9,273 Kg compared to the national UK average of 5,013 Kg. Of course, it doesn’t allow me to factor in offsets so I did my own adjustments and apparently my Carbon Footprint is actually -190,700 Kg.

That is over minus 190 tonnes a year – How fucking smug should I feel now? Absolutely, enormously, stonkingly, hugely fucking smug, that’s how fucking smug I should feel now.

Right! Now! Speaking from my absolutely, enormously, stonkingly, hugely fucking smug and very righteous pedestal, I want to express my pissed offness at this new airport passenger tax which has been imposed on us by Blair’s Stasi and backed by the Green Party and Friends of the Earth. When twatty little environmental group spokespeople with their half million quid, solar-aided middle class homes and their £40,000 environmentally friendly cars say that they want to make air travel so expensive that normal people can’t afford it; claiming that this will save the planet for their privately schooled, chinless little offspring Tarquin and Lucretia, then sorry but I want to put an incendiary bullet into them and their methane recycling systems. Cheap Air Travel is a godsend to Europe and is doing a hell of a lot more social good than it is doing environmental bad.

I have never had problems with Friends of the Earth before but now I do and I can’t be the only one. A fluid European population and workforce is a good thing and cheap air travel is vital for this and of course, the people this will most effect are the poor. Go pick on someone else why don’t you?

Care in the Blogger Community.

As somebody who was fast-tracked to the position of Master Blogger, I realise that I probably owe something back to the all of the normal bloggers out there. I have been pondering what I can give back but I had been uninspired. Until now, that is!

Having read a few random blogs in my research it has become very apparent that what most bloggers really want to do is to kill themselves. There seems to be a common theme about how miserable their lives are and how they want to end it all so it struck me that what they need is a simple, quick and painless suicide device that requires no bravery to use and can be built for quite a small amount of money from easily obtainable parts.

Inspired, hey?  It is! Honestly… Most means of killing yourself require a large leap of faith and may well fail leaving the person too much of a cabbage to even class as a Myspace user. My new patent free “MICHAEL’S DEATH MACHINE” (sorry but the upper-case is required) won’t fail and has the advantage that if timed correctly the user can even write a final blog entry whilst hooked up to it.

I am building my prototype now. This is somewhat delayed by the fact that the prototype is already costing a small fortune because needs to have safety mechanisms and measuring systems built in so that I don’t accidentally kill myself during testing. I don’t want to be providing shonky goods here! As a favour to Nature, Humanity and the Internet Community as a whole I think I should make this device as effective as possible.

Watch This Space, Bloggers!

Something is rotten in the state of Sealand

There is a worrying thing happening at the moment. People are giving money to Pirate Bay so that they can buy Sealand. If you don’t know what Sealand or Pirate Bay is, then have a look here: http://buysealand.com/

The theory is that if Pirate Bay buys Sealand then a whole pile of operations varying from the mere dodgy to the sheer criminal can be run from there and nobody can touch them. So far they have raised $15,327 from donations. They state that if they can’t afford Sealand (I believe Sealand are looking at something in the region of half a billion dollars) they will buy another small island and declare independence.

Now I am a fan of Pirate Bay. If they want to give me a means of downloading episodes of Battlestar Galactica and Veronica Mars when I miss them on telly then I am all for this. If at the same time they are pissing off big companies that makes the whole thing even more fun. My problem isn’t with Pirate Bay, it is with the utter legal naivety and idioacy of these people. They seem to inhabit a world where they can own a nation state and commit illegal acts from it with no consequence. At the same time, there are wars going in in both Afganistan and Iraq against reghimes that supposedly committed illegal acts thinking they could do whatever they wanted.

Simply put; if they buy Sealand and start pissing off Sony or Murdoch, there is nothing stopping either of them getting a gunboat and blowing the thing out of the water for ever. They flaunt French Law? It’s not that hard a target for a single Exocet and those things sting! Why don’t they see this simple fact? They want to break the law and yet they want the law to protect them. Nobody out there is going to help them if someone decides they don’t like them; they are a large open target with “ABUSE ME BIG BOY” painted in neon on the side.

As I said, I rather like Pirate Bay and I’d prefer not to see it sunk for ever letting another pile of people with guns and money win. The legality of Sealand as an independent state is also very dodgy and even more so if it is sold. Nobody has ever taken that much time disputing it because previously it was just some random nutter waving a flag; as soon as they start to actually piss people off, methinks they will need a lot more than $15,327 to pay those legal fees. I have spent a good deal of my life and my money in court on issues like this over the years, it’s neither fun nor fruitful and the bastards nearly always win.

The other thing I find mildly amusing is the idiots who are giving them money. Fifteen years ago I wrote an article about the rot that sets in when things like this start asking for money – You can find it at http://lorry.org/Docs/life.cycle if you are curious. What is going to happen with all this money? Will it just end up being wasted on buying a pile of rock somewhere? It’s all very odd. Still they are Pirates, maybe it is all an elaborate scheme to relieve naive tossers of their money. If so then I wish them the best of luck!

Failed, Foiled and Forward on!

The High Council of Master Bloggers and Online Mass Debating rejected my essay on the basis that it didn’t say what they expected to hear from a Master Blogger. Apparently, my point of view was completely at odds with the rest of the Mass Debating Society’s.

On the other hand, I pointed out that since I owned their website, they should reconsider and as such, I have been reinstated with full honours. I may now consider myself a Master Blogger and do my worst.

Ha!

Mother, should I trust the government?

So… To get my Master Blogger status back, I have been ordered to write some garbage on privacy, on-line security and freedom of speech. I am not really in the mood to make this a well written essay but this is for a weblog so it hardly needs to be Pulitzer material. I may rewrite it one day to make it read better.

I am a big fan of freedom, the right not to be watched 24 hours a day and the right to say pretty much what I want without being locked up for it. This is the reason I am leaving the UK; if you Americans think you have it bad then think again and look what is happening here too. I also think that I know something about on-line security and “Big Brother Monitoring”. I know this because I used to do it.

The problem with all of this is that I am somewhat divided in what I actually believe.

Generally speaking, I couldn’t care less personally about “The State” watching my Internet usage. I don’t do anything interesting enough for them to have any interest in me. Last week I looked up how they went from Nitro-Glycerine to Dynamite and I really didn’t see the need to hide my address when I did so, a few days later I ordered a new shemagh from a large Islamic web site. I think if anyone was monitoring my IRC usage they’d know I was fundamentally opposed to the hanging of Saddam and I have been chatting a lot lately about various socially subversive things that in Orwell’s 1984 would have had my testicles wired up to a flashbulb. The thing is, I am one of 60 odd million people in the UK and the amount of computing power to pick me out and profile me from this sort of usage is far too large for me to assume they are using it. The profile would also be quite wrong, I am not a terrist, I am a dissenter so I have to assume there is some sense there that would make the distinction. There are not enough people employed by the security services for them not to have. Ultimately this whole digital monitoring has to come down to them putting feet on the streets and actually physically watching the people they profile and with the money that our security services pay, this just aint going to happen.

I think it is pretty reasonable for me to make this assumption. As I said I used to design monitoring and profiling systems to watch people doing the things that they did. I worked for one of the biggest military contractors in the world putting in systems to watch the staff. Did we do this because we were convinced that they were selling secrets? Sabotaging systems? Moving satellites with laser death rays off course to blow up Greenwich Observatory? Nope – We did it because the police caught an employee running a kiddie porn operation from company machines and we found ourselves under a duty to do something about it. When we had all the monitoring in place, it’s not like we even did much with it, there were occasional keyword scans and weird activity matches but generally speaking they picked up nothing and there was never even a hint of the higher management or the government being interested in looking at the records we kept. Usually I would be cynical and say “Well the government could just be looking at the traffic elsewhere” but in this case, they couldn’t, the paths were all on hellishly encrypted satellite links; it wasn’t going to happen.

At another company I worked for, we decided to run some test scenarios with the police to see how quickly we could catch somebody if a nasty situation happened. A rather well meaning but somewhat naive member of senior staff there refused to let us put monitoring on their dial up systems which would have made life a little easier for us. All we did was to shift the monitoring systems upstream to the exchange, where he had no access to stop us monitoring whatever we wanted. The upshot of this was that the systems people who actually cared about the rights of users lost control of the monitoring that happened and was going to happen anyway. There is a certain futility in non-co-operation at this level, there are plenty of ways to skin the proverbial cat.

Way back in the early 90’s I was working on the Mitnick case and spotted that he was monitoring everything I did on-line. Every email, every private chat, all my IRC usage, all my secret passwords to other machines. The lot. I had to take a choice as to whether to let him know I had spotted it or to just carry on and watch him, watching me so he could be kept somewhere monitorable that he assumed we didn’t know about. It was an interesting decision and I looked into my past to help me make this choice. I had spent years watching other people; reading all their mails, watching their extra-marital affairs, their various mildly illicit activities and their crap attempts to get various people into bed. For the first month or so, I admit, it was kind of interesting and odd, realising you know things about people they have no idea you know but then, after a while, it stops being a soap opera and starts becoming rather tedious. You start to realise that most people do and say the same things and have the same sort of lives – Most people have secrets that they think are devastatingly personal but most people don’t see in very real terms that just about everybody else has the same secrets. I would hope that if someone is in the position to watch people in his way officially they’d also be the sort of person good at keeping secrets so this knowledge brings no advantages either, if anything, quite the opposite since it makes it a lot harder to talk to some people you know far too much about. Based on this experience, I decided I would have no real issues with letting a Sociopathic Hacker and all the other people who got to read the logs later watch everything I did; I would probably bore him to death well before he would ever find anything useful he could use. It got to the point where after a few weeks I just ignored his watching me altogether. He did at one point try to use some stuff against me but it didn’t do him much good. I never quite forgot I was being watched to the point of giving away anything useful and as I have said before, although some stuff I do on-line may at the time seem really personal, in the grand scheme of the world, it’s not.

Maybe this is the reason I am confused about all the modern obsession with normally sane people wanting all sorts of levels of military grade encryption on the messenger they use to chat to their mum or friends. Although most people will never believe me, very few people really do much on-line that hasn’t been seen a zillion times before. The perceived subversion isn’t really very subversive at all. Having an affair, buying a few grammes of cocaine, chatting with your mate about the latest insurance fraud you are committing; none of it is very interesting, people do it every day and the police aren’t the people who are monitoring your Internets. The Security Services have a lot more things to do than to be interested in general crime and they don’t pass much on to the police unless it is in the National Interest. There are a couple of things to remember, one is that if the police suddenly started to have access to all this extra criminal intelligence they’d have to build hundreds of new prisons and quadruple the size of the force, another is that they’d have to provide an evidence trail in court, and it is very hard to create valid evidence trails from monitored data, trust me, I have spent years trying. There’s also the problem that they may well have to admit to being able to gather intelligence in ways that people don’t know about. Think back to World War 2 and all the things that were allowed to happen just to cover up the fact that the Security Services had broken Enigma, nothing much has changed.

People are watching your Internet usage, I am not arguing that but I will argue that 99.999% of the population have nothing much to worry about from the people who are doing it. The threats on the Internet are not from “The State” they are from organised crime rings and people who prey on the stupidity of people in general. No amount of encryption and things will stop this in fact, the perception that you are safe because of it tends to make people let down their guard and be more and more open to slipping up. If governments want to monitor you, they will, and you won’t be able to do much about it at all. I have watched hundreds of naive people talking about how secure they were and it’s amazing that the more secure people think they are, the easier they tend to be to get evidence on.

I am losing the will to live now, so I will end this here and maybe tidy this up. I don’t think it is quite what the question asked, but then, I don’t care.